


when skies are grey

by lostintranslaation



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Canon Compliant, Car Accidents, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Like, Miscarriage, Robbery, Wakes & Funerals, is canon compliant gonna be my new schtick? we'll see, no beta here ladies and getns, no comfort, we're talking hurt 100 comfort 0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25172881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostintranslaation/pseuds/lostintranslaation
Summary: 56 years of life and 6 too many deaths that came far too soon taught May Parker a thing or two about death.From the deaths of her parents, dying can be slow.From the death of her unborn daughter, dying can be unfair.From the deaths of Richard and Mary, dying can be quick.From the death of Ben, dying can be unexpected.And grief, May decides, is a thunderstorm.
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, Ben Parker & Richard Parker, Ben Parker/May Parker (Spider-Man), Mary Parker & May Parker (Spider-Man), May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker
Comments: 13
Kudos: 21





	when skies are grey

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO everyone I'm BACK!
> 
> Don't forget to read the tags! This is a sad one!

56 years of life and 6 too many deaths that came far too soon taught May Parker a thing or two about death.

From the deaths of her parents, dying can be slow.

From the death of her unborn daughter, dying can be unfair.

From the deaths of Richard and Mary, dying can be quick.

From the death of Ben, dying can be unexpected.

And grief, May decides, is a thunderstorm.

\- - -

OCTOBER 28th, 1984

May remembers the first hospital visit that her mom had.

They were at a 4th of July parade the summer after her freshman year at college and her mom just collapsed. At first, May thought it must be heat exhaustion. But when the doctors did a little more digging, they found cancer.

A biopsy and a three-day hospital stay later, they had a plan. Intense chemotherapy and radiation to try and kill the cancer before it killed her. May didn’t like the idea of such harsh treatment, but there weren't a ton of other options.

Her first chemo session was on a Monday and the rest of the week was torture, the drugs wreaking havoc on her body. The next week was the same, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that. It was a one-way ticket to Suffering Lane that she cashed in twice a week, every week after her initial diagnosis.

May helped as much as she could and it physically hurt her to see her mom like this.

They had all expected for Emilia’s hair to fall out eventually, but nothing could have prepared them for the day that it actually happened.

May heard her name being called from the bathroom and she answered the call with a gentle ear to the bathroom door. “Yeah, Mamma?”

“Could you come in here _amore_? I need your help with something.”

“Of course Mamma. What do you need help with?” She pushes the door open and tries not to look shocked when she sees her mom's golden hair in clumps all over the floor and standing water in the bathtub with strands of hair floating in there too.

“I can’t quite reach the back of my head. Would you mind?” Her voice wavers and May pretends she doesn’t hear it. She extends Angelo’s razor to May and May takes it, trying not to let her hands shake as she shaves off the rest of her mom’s long hair.

“All done Mamma.” She sets the razor down on the counter. Emilia looks up at herself in the mirror and May watches as her eyes fill with tears. “You look beautiful,” May swipes a stray tear away from her mom’s cheek. “So, so beautiful.” She pulls her mom into a hug and holds her close until she has the strength to continue on. “Should we go show Paps?” Her mom nods against her chest.

She takes May’s arm and May leads her slowly out to the living room where Angelo was watching TV. He pauses the TV and stands up to come along Emilia’s other side and help her get her seat on the couch.

“Oh, Em,” he presses a kiss to her cheek and holds her hand. Wipes away her tears with his other hand. “You are breathtaking.”

May takes a step back and lets the two of them have their moment. Her chest is filled with warmth and she realizes that this is what she wants in life. Not necessarily a perfect life, but one with someone who will love and support you constantly, through highs and lows, sickness and health, through everything. Little did she know that she would get exactly what she wished for.

The hospital room is cold and the blankets are scratchy and the food is bland and it feels so _helpless_ not being able to do anything about anything.

“May,” her mother takes May’s shaking hands in her own and squeezes. “ _You are my sunshine_ ,” she sings. Her voice is hoarse now, hoarser than it used to be even though she had quit smoking four years ago.

May huffs out a watery laugh that makes the tears dripping off the tip of her nose drop down into her lap. “Your only sunshine, I know.” She looks down, unable to meet her mother’s gaze.

“Honey, look at me.” May complies and her face crumples. “ _You make me happy, when skies are grey_.”

“Mamma…”

Emilia shushes her and continues. “ _You’ll never know dear, how much I love you._ ”

“ _Please don’t take my sunshine away_ ,” they finish together. May pushes her glasses up to the top of her head and brings her mom’s hand up to rest in her long hair. She doesn’t try to hide her tears anymore, just lets them run down her face and drip down her chin onto her knit sweater. Her mom wipes her face with an unsteady hand.

“Please don’t cry, baby.”

“I’m sorry, Mamma.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, _amore_.” May just smiles sadly. “You know what babe? I’m not even scared.”

May sniffles. “You’re not?”

“Not at all. You know why?” May shakes her head. “Because I know exactly what’s going to happen.”

“Oh do share,” May rests her chin on the older woman’s cool knuckles. 

“In a couple days, I will die.” May looks up, shocked by the bluntness of her mother’s words. “But it will be okay. Because you’ll take care of Dad for me,” she looks over at him, asleep in the chair opposite to May, “And he’ll take care of you. You’ll both take care of each other and you’ll be all each other needs.”

Her dad lets out a room-shaking snore and May and her mom give small laughs that fizzle out after a few seconds like wet 4th of July sparklers. Emilia turns back to May, her face somehow more serene than it’s been, maybe ever. “You’re going to finish school and become the best nurse New York’s ever seen.”

“Mamma,” May hiccups, “Don’t leave me. _Please._ ”

“ _Amore_ , you know I don’t want to. But it’s my time. The Lord’s calling me home.” She scoots over in the small hospital bed and hides the pain it causes the best she can. “Come ‘ere babe,” she pats the space of bed beside her and May obeys.

“I love you, Mamma.”

“I love you more, May. You are incredible. Never stop, okay? The world needs your light. You’re gonna grow up, and save lives, and find a nice man to marry and have kids with. It’s going to be fantastic.” She tangles her fingers in May’s hair and talks until the two of them fall into a fitful sleep.

A few days later, May wakes up, but Emilia does not.

\- - -

DECEMBER 25th, 1984

Two months later comes her father’s diagnosis and the day May’s world comes crashing down around her ankles.

The phone call really soured the already-sour first-Christmas-after-your-mom’s-passing Christmas morning mood.

_“Hello, this is Doctor Sharpe, chair of the oncology department at Queens Memorial Hospital. Is Angelo Reilly available?”_

“He’s actually asleep right now. This is his daughter. Can I take a message?” May sits to keep her unsteady knees from buckling.

_“Your father’s test results came in. We would like to see him at the hospital as soon as possible to discuss these results.”_

Tears flooded May’s eyes and she bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. “Is everything alright?”

_“Unfortunately I am not at liberty to disclose much over the phone.”_

“We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

Pancreatic cancers are tricky, all the doctors at the hospital tell them this. In its earlier stages, it’s treatable and the survival rate is much higher. But it’s also very difficult to detect in its earlier stages.

Unfortunately, they were not so lucky to detect Angelo’s cancer that early.

The two of them opt to choose palliative care, rather than aggressive treatment that would ravage through Angelo’s already-fragile state and only extend his life by another two months at most.

But as her dad grows weaker and weaker with every passing day, May realizes that she doesn’t want to just let him die. She wants to _do_ something. To do anything, really.

“Alright Dad,” she plunges his nightly dose of morphine into his IV line and drops the needle into the bin to be disposed of later. “You’re all set.” He hums and reaches for her hand. “Do you need anything else?” She perches herself on the edge of his bed, careful not to disturb the mountain of blankets piled on top of his small frame.

“I saw Emilia today.”

 _Oh_. The doctors mentioned that he might experience hallucinations, but he hadn’t before and May assumed that they were in the clear. “You saw Mamma?” He nods.

“She was wearing that pretty blue dress that she loves.” May hums. “She mentioned that she was in the mood for grilled cheese and tomato soup from Sparky’s.” May pecks a kiss on her father’s cheek and pulls up a chair closer to his bed.

“Ew, _why_?” She wrinkles her nose and he barks out a laugh that quickly dissolves into a coughing fit.

“I don’t know,” he swipes at a loose tear tracking down the side of his face from laughter. “But now we have to take her tomorrow.”

“Okay Dad,” the weight on May’s chest presses until she can hardly breathe. “We’ll go to Sparky’s tomorrow.”

The next morning, May wakes up, but Angelo does not.

The memorial service put on by their church is quiet and solemn and full of people. May stands and accepts condolences and well-wishes from a church full of people but she’s never felt so alone.

When she comes home to her apartment, she doesn’t make it past the entrance landing before she’s sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, giant shuddering gasps not quite enough to fill her lungs with air.

She falls asleep like that, and wakes up in the morning with puffy eyes and mascara dried to her cheeks and the linoleum tiles below.

\- - -

JUNE 2nd, 1988

Life goes on and so does May.

She graduates college in ‘86 with a nursing degree and a guaranteed job thanks to the internship she’d procured at the hospital her dad has been treated at.

One night after a particularly nasty breakup, May’s friends took her to a new bar in town to get wasted and listen to some tunes from the dashing guitarist who performed there almost every night.

In a drunken stroke of confidence, May asked for the guitarist’s number, who just so happened to be into her too.

Three months of dating later, they were engaged, and two weeks of engagement later, they were married. It was a small courthouse ceremony, put together after Ben discovered the stress that not having someone to walk her down the aisle was causing May.

It was a beautiful June day and May and Ben were trying to knock out as much of the wedding planning as they could. They had a full itinerary, set up by Ben’s brother and his wife, Richard and Mary. Mary loved weddings, and May was happy to accept help from whoever would be willing to give it.

But after their first stop in venue shopping, May needed to take a break.

There’s nothing wrong with the venue. It would be the perfect spot for the ceremony, so it wasn’t that, but all of the sudden May finds it difficult to swallow down the lump in her throat and blink back the tears in her eyes. Rich and Mary and Ben are chatting with the owners of the venue so she slips away to grab some air.

It was a gorgeous place. A church with a beautiful flower garden in the back where they could take photos. May sits down on a bench near some rose bushes and looks up to blink the tears away from her eyes.

Ben sits down next to her and rests an arm around her shoulders.

“They would have loved to be here,” May leans her head on Ben’s chest.

“Your parents?” She nods.

“My mom, especially. She always talked about how she was going to plan the whole wedding. It was going to be big and extravagant, and as soon as it was over she expected me to start popping out babies like crazy so she could have grandkids.” Ben huffs out a laugh. “I really miss them. I wish they could have met you. My dad would have loved you, I think.”

“I wish I could have met them too.”

The two of them sit in silence for a moment longer and watch Richard and Mary talking with the vendors, no doubt trying to haggle a better deal out of them.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

A beat.

“What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me? Because if we’re going too fast we can always put a pause on things--”

“No,” May laughs. “No no. It’s not you. It’s the wedding, I mean.”

“Are you unhappy with something specific? We can always change it if you don’t like it.”

“No, I just…” she presses her fingers to the inner corners of her eyes to stop the tears from falling. “I just really miss my parents and--” her voice cracks. “And I always imagined my dad walking me down the aisle at my wedding.” Ben nods.

“Why don’t we just forget about having a big wedding?”

“What do you mean?” She twists to look up at him. The sun is bright and she squints and closes one eye.

“We could just go to the courthouse and get married right now.”

“Yes.”

“Yes as in ‘we could’ or yes as in ‘we should’?”

“We should.” Butterflies tickle May’s stomach as Ben grabs her hand and pulls her over to where Richard and Mary are. The vendor was gone by that point and it was just the two of them talking.

“Hey guys, we’re getting married.” Richard and Mary look over at Ben with blank expressions on their faces.

“Yeah… that’s why we’re here.” Mary says.

“No like, we’re getting married right now,” May supplies.

“Right now?” Richard asks. Ben and May nod. “Today?” They nod again.

“Well, okay then. Let’s head over to the courthouse!” Mary slings her bag over her shoulder and leads the pack back to the parking lot.

The ceremony is simple and sweet and they all go out day-drinking afterwards in lieu of having a reception.

They honeymoon in Jersey and start their life together, sun-soaked and smiling.

The next fourteen years together are a fantasy.

Richard and Mary get pregnant and have a beautiful baby boy that they name Peter.

May wouldn’t admit it, but being around Peter always made her a little warm with baby fever.

And one surprising day, that unspoken dream comes true.

“Ben,” May holds the positive pregnancy test tightly in clammy hands. He takes it in his own hands and the color drains from his face.

“Is this…” May nods. Closes her eyes. Fears the worst. Braces herself for the inevitable fall.

But then the opposite of what she expects to happen happens. May is wrapped up in a giant bear hug and swept off her feet by Ben’s thick arms. He presses a firm kiss to her forehead. “May,” he whispers into her hair. “A baby,” he says, like he almost can’t believe it.

“Uh huh,” she answers, breathless.

“Oh _man_ , a baby!” He lifts her up and twirls her around before setting her back down gently. Butterflies soar in her stomach. “I mean,” he runs his hands through his hair, “It’s not what we planned, but _baby_!”

He kneels down and puts his mouth next to her belly. “Hey baby. I’m your daddy. I don’t know you that well yet, but I love you _so_ much.”

May wipes at a tear welling up in her eyes and laughs. “You know the baby doesn’t have ears yet, right?”

Ben laughs, and smiles. His eyes are shining with tears too. “I don’t even care! We’re having a baby!”

A couple more months pass and the more time spent thinking about adding a baby to the family, the more excited they get.

Well, the more excited Ben gets.

May, on the other hand, feels more dread than excitement.

She was never really one to dream about growing up to be a mom. And despite all of her mom’s remarks wondering _‘Have you got a boyfriend yet,_ amore _? I want grandbabies, you know.’_ May didn’t really want kids all that much. If anything, her mom’s comments made her want kids less. She didn’t like the idea of a woman’s life only being seen as complete if said woman had kids. She wanted to be independent, and free of all child-related responsibilities.

But one day, after pulling a long double-shift at the hospital, on a day where her feet were sore and her ankles swollen and morning sickness insistent, she opens the door to hers and Ben’s apartment to hear soft guitar strumming coming from the living room. She kicks off her sneakers and pads over closer to the noise with quiet feet.

“ _Blackbird singing in the dead of the night,_ ” Ben is kneeling, guitar resting on his knee, in front of a squishy one-year-old Peter. “ _Take these broken wings and learn to fly,_ ” May slips her hands in her pockets and leans against the doorway, catching Ben’s eye. “ _All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive._ ” Peter claps his grubby hands together and May cheers.

From that moment on, something in May shifts. The life inside her becomes real to her. There is a _baby_ growing inside of her. Her baby. Ben’s baby. Their baby that is completely their own. A tangible testament of their love for each other.

They start talking about color themes for the nursery and name ideas for whether it will be a boy or girl, excitement and pride swelling in their chests until all they could do was bask in the excitement of the season in the early summer sun shining through the open windows, the rays baking their skin as they pour over baby name books looking for just the right options for a girl or a boy and flip through catalogs on a hunt for the perfect furniture to put in the nursery after they found out the gender of the baby.

On the day of the gender reveal appointment, butterflies fight in May’s stomach. Ben was worried too, because May hadn’t felt the baby move yet. But all their doctors told them that this was normal, and it sometimes takes up to 25 weeks to feel movement. So, May concludes, they’ve got three more weeks until they should start to be worried.

She takes Ben’s hand and squeezes three times. A silent reassurance that everything will be alright.

Excitement builds until they are called into the cramped office. She hops onto the table and lifts her shirt up. Gives Ben a little smile and he puts a hand on her shoulders.

“Alright, are you two ready?” The woman squeezes gel onto May’s stomach. May and Ben nod emphatically, hearts beating too fast to even force words out of their mouths, eyes glued to the monitor above them waiting for a glimpse of their baby.

The woman places the probe on May’s stomach, and the image of their baby bounces up to the screen.

But it’s silent.

May is an ER nurse. But she knows enough about OB to know that the heartbeat should not be hard to find at 22 weeks.

“Uhh,” the woman stammers. “I’m going to go bring in the specialist, okay? One moment.”

She leaves and the door closes and it’s silent.

“Ben,” May’s stomach is full of knots that try to untangle themselves, but in their efforts only end up snarling worse than they were before. Her heart is in her throat and her stomach is in her feet and her brain is foggy.

“No, May, it’s okay. She’ll bring in the specialist and there’ll be a heartbeat. They’ll find it no problem. It’s probably ju—“

“ _Ben_ ,” May whispers, because she can’t do anything else. “It’s not _moving_.”

Ben falls into the chair behind him without a word.

The door opens and the specialist peaks her head in with a little smile. “Hello you two, I’m Doctor Hill.” She closes the door behind her and picks up the probe.

She searches for a noise, but the room remains silent.

“Mr. and Mrs. Parker?” her voice ruptures the quiet and May and Ben’s eyes snap to her. “I’m so sorry, but your baby has no heartbeat.”

Shocked tears well in their eyes, too scared to fall.

“What—“ Ben squeaks. He clears his throat and continues. “What do you mean? Why not?” His voice teeters on the edge of anger and terror. “They- they had a heartbeat during our last scan! May is healthy! We’ve been doing everything right!” His grip on May’s shoulder tightens and May looks up. There’s a water stain on the ceiling, above her head. When was the last storm? May can’t remember.

Doctor Hill wipes the cool gel off May’s swollen belly with a towel, but May doesn’t feel it. She sets May’s shirt back down again, covering her stomach once more. The still sonogram remains on the screen.

The doctor explained that sometimes, miscarriages have no real reason. It just means that the baby would not have been healthy outside of the womb.

May trusts Ben to pay attention because she can’t bring herself to come back into her body. Or, rather, back up to the surface. She’s locked inside, somewhere safe and warm, somewhere where her baby’s heart still beats.

The doctor hands something to Ben and he pockets it, nodding and standing up. He wraps an arm around May’s waist as she gets up. Good thing. She doesn’t even know if her legs will work.

The car ride home is silent.

(Just like the room in the clinic.)

When they get home, May is in bed. She doesn’t remember walking up there at all, and she doesn’t care.

She hears Ben’s voice talking on the phone down the hall. She wraps the blanket tighter around herself.

Some time later, the bed beside her divets and she is pulled into Ben’s big arms, beard soaked with tears scratching behind her ears.

When they wake up, it’s to sound in the kitchen and light footsteps in the hall.

May leans harder into Ben and burrows into the comforter a little more.

Mary steps as quietly as she can into their room and sets a thermos down on May’s nightstand. Her eyes are red and puffy like she's been crying.

“Thanks,” May’s voice is hoarse and May hears it as if it weren’t her voice at all.

“May,” Mary kneels by the side of the bed and rests her elbows on the bare sheets. “I am so sorry.”

A small whimper comes from May’s throat in place of a deflection.

In sleep, Ben’s hand rests on May’s belly and tears flood May’s eyes once again. Or maybe she had already been crying.

“Is there anything I can do? Can I get you anything?”

May closes her eyes.

“Have you two had any water today? Anything to eat?”

May shakes her head and it takes near-monumental effort.

“Rich and I will go and bring you guys some more soup okay? I’ll be right back.”

May nods and listens to Mary’s footsteps as she walks away. She wonders, for a half-second, where Peter is, but is also grateful for his absence. She doesn’t know if she would be able to handle it if he were here. 

Ben stirs and she turns into his chest. Her belly is heavy. It should be a happy weight. But it isn’t. Instead, it is a constant reminder of the life that was lost. Ended before it had even had the chance to begin.

Ben pulls May closer and she feels his tears trail down his face and into her hair.

When Mary returns, she sets a couple more things down on the nightstand. Ben sits up and urges May to follow suit.

Mary sits on the edge of their bed and uncaps water bottles for the two of them. “Drink up, okay? It’s important to stay hydrated right now.”

May raises the bottle to her lips but her throat tightens and her face crumples. It should be important for another reason.

She takes a small sip and hands the bottle back to Mary in exchange for a thermos of soup. It’s warm. May raises it to her lips and the fog steams up her glasses. Her face is wet. Is that the steam too?

Once they had both had enough soup so that Mary was satisfied, she took the dishes and set them down on May’s nightstand.

May sinks back down, curling up into herself. “Have you showered since your appointment?” Mary’s tone is gentle, but insistent. May shakes her head. “I bet that would be good for you. I always remember feeling really gross after my appointments.” May nods. Mary pulls back the covers and May steps out with unsteady feet and wobbly legs. Ben scrambles out of bed to come alongside her. His arm is warm and heavy around her waist.

Him and Mary help May into the shower and toss a towel into the dryer for her.

May sits on the edge of the tub while Mary turns the knob on the faucet, adjusting it so the temperature is right.

“Holler if you need me, alright? I’ll be around.” Mary closes the door behind her as she leaves.

May’s fingers stumble over the button on her jeans and Ben helps her, gently undressing her and helping her step into the spray of the shower. May closes her eyes. The water mixes with the tears and she can't hold back anymore.

Her hands subconsciously come to rest on her belly and it just makes it hurt even more. She’s on the floor now, and Ben’s holding her, rocking her back and forth as she sobs into his neck, keening whines building in her throat as he grips the back of her neck and shudders with unrelenting sobs.

A few days later, the two of them decide that it’s the right time to induce labor.

May’s eyes are dry as she swallows the tablet that will deliver her baby.

The silence is deafening.

The two of them take it easy for the rest of the day. They try to play cards, but quickly find that their minds can’t focus on much of anything at the moment, so they opt for watching TV instead.

The contractions start at about eight in the evening. Ben grabs May’s go-bag that she packed the night before and the two of them head over to the hospital.

When they get there, she avoids the sympathetic gazes of her coworkers and heads up to the OBGYN ward. It hurts. And not even just the physical pain of the contractions, but also the emotional pain. They should be going to the baby ward, not OBGYN.

Mary meets the two of them at the hospital and greets May with a long hug, whispered reassurances of _‘It’s going to be okay.’_ on her breath.

May blows out through pursed lips and paces around the small elevator as another contraction comes and goes. When the elevator stops at their floor, May and Ben share a red-eyed look and then continue on together.

Two long hours pass and the baby is born. May had heard other mothers speak about the pain and effort during labor being erased the moment that they saw their beautiful baby’s face, but May couldn’t even bring herself to open her eyes. Her body is exhausted and heavy and her soul is exhausted and heavy and tears leak from her eyes.

The room is silent, except for May’s breathing and Ben’s sniffling.

“It’s a girl,” someone announces and May folds into herself even more.

A girl.

Adelina Emilia Parker is the name they chose for a girl.

Addie.

They stay in the hospital for another day to make sure there’s no complications. Mary fusses over them the whole time.

The car ride back to their apartment is silent.

May goes straight to bed while Ben heats up a hot water bottle for her stomach. Her head pounds and her eyes are dry after shedding too many tears. She tugs at the urn necklace around her neck and sinks into the mattress.

She doesn’t even realize that she’s drifted off, just that, the next time she’s aware, there’s a warm body next to her and an extra pillow by her chest.

Ben’s fingers in her scalp tangle and tug at her hair. Her eyes fill with tears once again and Ben stops.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey._ ” His voice is scratchy and tired and he presses a kiss to her hair. “ _You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away._ ”

\- - -

NOVEMBER 18th, 2008

“So how have you and Ben been doing recently? Are you two up to anything new?” Mary bites into the toast that she drowned in raspberry jam.

“Oh you know. Same ol’ same ol’. I’ve been picking up extra shifts and Ben’s been playing every gig he can get. We’re saving up to go to Italy next year.” She smiles and takes a sip of her tea. Makes a sour face and walks across the kitchen to the pantry to grab some honey.

“Oh Italy! That’s _dreamy_ ,” she draws out the word with a smile.

May stirs some honey into the steaming mug of tea in front of her. “Yeah, it is! That’s basically all we’ve been up to recently,” she shrugs. “What have you two been up to as of late? How’s Peter doing? It’s been so long since we’ve gotten together. Life’s been so busy.”

“Peter’s good, he’s really enjoying his first grade class. He likes his teacher and… most of his classmates,” she lets out a breathless laugh and leans over the counter to get closer to May, face flushed with secret excitement. “And as for me and Rich, well, don’t tell anyone,” she starts, “but Rich and I are trying for another one.” It pings at May’s heart but she ignores it to be excited for her friend.

“You are?!” May squeals and slips around the counter to crush her friend in a bear hug. “That’s so exciting Mary! Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for you.”

“Oh, thanks May,” Mary leans back and sighs a contented sigh. “Rich and I have a doctors appointment today at 2:30 to check up and make sure everything’s good and healthy.”

“Mary!” May squeals again. “Oh, that’s so great for you two!”

“Thank you! I was actually wondering if you have anything going on this afternoon and would be able to watch Peter? If you’re busy, no worries, I can get a sitter, but--”

“Oh I would love to watch him tonight! I’ve been missing our auntie-nephew time.”

“That would be fantastic, May. Thank you.” She wraps her arm around May and drops a kiss on her cheek. “We might go out to eat afterwards and double this as a date, so we’ll only be out until maybe fiveish.”

“Take your time. Enjoy it!”

“Thank you so much, again. I really appreciate you.” She shoves the rest of her toast into her mouth and slings her purse over her shoulder. “Hey, listen, I gotta go, but I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” she pulls Mary in for another hug. “Love you. Drive safe. And have fun tonight!”

She hums and pulls away from the hug. “Love you too. See you later!” She waves as she leaves and closes the door behind her.

2:45 comes quickly and soon it's time to pick Peter up from school. Ben had just gotten back from setting up the venue he is playing that night. They wait in the pick-up line and Peter crawls into the car, backpack almost tipping him backwards. His glasses fog as he gets in the car. It’s freezing outside, the first really cold day that they’d gotten that year. Everyone was talking about a huge storm rolling in, but May wasn’t too worried about it. Usually the storms the weathermen said would be huge turn out to be a bit of rain and some wind. It always goes like that.

“Hey Pete!” Ben turns around, arm on the passenger seat to see Peter better. “How was school?”

Peter shrugs. “School was good. I played Pokemon at recess with my friend and I tried to kiss a girl today.”

May laughs. “ _Really_?”

Peter’s face lights up as Ben starts to drive back to their appointment. His laugh is infectious and bubbly and it makes May want to smile until her face cracks. “Yeah! Her name is Liz, but she just ate a peanut-butter sandwich so I decided not to kiss her.”

“Good call, buddy,” Ben praises, looking at the younger boy through the rearview mirror. Peter shrugs again.

“Maybe tomorrow she’ll eat something else so I can kiss her then.”

May laughs again. “Maybe.”

Ben turns on the radio and the three of them drive back to their apartment, not knowing at the time that it would soon be home to all three of them.

The hours pass quickly, and soon it’s 4:45. “Alrighty,” Ben says, pulling a tray of chicken tenders from the oven. “I think we are ready.”

“Hey, Peter,” May calls from the kitchen. She wipes her hands on a dish towel and meets him where he’s sitting on the couch watching TV. “Are you ready to eat dinner?” Peter nods, slowly, eyes still glued to the TV.

_“You can see here on this map the cold weather system that is moving in as we speak. Expect below-freezing temperatures and poor driving conditions. If you are able, stay off the roads tonight.”_

“Okay,” May flicks the TV off. “I think that’s enough TV for right now, hmm?” Peter nods, eyes wide with excitement.

“Do you think there’ll be enough snow to build a _snowman_?” Peter asks.

“Oh, I don’t know,” May takes his hand and leads him into the kitchen. “Maybe. Are you ready for dinner?” Peter nods and Ben sets a plate of chicken strips with honey in front of him and he digs in.

Ben sips at a glass of water and sets it back down on the counter. “Have you heard anything from Rich and Mary?”

“I haven’t, have you?” He shakes his head. “Mary said that they’d be going out to eat after their appointment, so maybe they just got held up at the restaurant.” Ben hums and nods. “So what time is your gig tonight?”

“I’m supposed to be there by seven,” Ben answers. “But I think I’m going to head out at six to get a head start in this storm.” May nods.

“I think we have time to start watching a football game until Mom and Dad come,” Peter pipes up, mouth stuffed full of chicken.

“You know what short stuff? I think you’re right. Hurry up and finish your chicken so we can go watch a game. I think there was a Giants game in the DVR that I recorded from last night.” Peter shoves the rest of his dinner into his mouth.

“Done!” he proclaims, bits of chewed-up chicken spewing out onto the counter.

“Alright, I’ll clean up here, you two go start that game. Make sure that you’ll be ready to go when your mommy and daddy come back, okay Peter?”

“Okay!” He skips into the living room, Ben following closely behind.

Richard and Mary don’t make it back before the game is over and Peter is begging for _‘just one more’._ Ben and May make eye-contact while sitting together on the couch, a look that doesn’t even need words after being together for years. Anxiety pricks May’s stomach as Ben stands up from the couch.

“Sorry Pete, I gotta go. It’s almost six and I gotta drive really slow on the roads tonight.” May stands up too, and grabs his hand.

“Drive safe, okay? Super careful.”

“I will.” He leans down to give her a kiss.

“But I want you to _stay_ ,” Peter whines. May sits back down on the couch facing him.

“How about we watch _Back to the Future_? That’s a good one.”

Peter sighs. “I _guess_.”

“Okay then,” May flicks through the DVR and starts the movie.

“Alright,” Ben leans over the end of the couch. “I’m headed out. Probably be home a little after midnight.” May looks up at him and kisses his chin.

“I love you. Be safe.”

“I will.” He shrugs his jacket over his shoulders and walks over to the door, but before he can open it, someone knocks.

“Oh,” May looks over at Peter. “Is that your parents? Let’s go see.” The two of them walk over around the couch to the entranceway and Ben opens the door.

May’s stomach drops.

Two police officers with their hands folded in front of them stood at the door. “Are you Benjamin Parker, brother of Richard Parker?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” Ben leans his guitar on the wall in the doorway. “What’s going on? Is Rich alright?”

“Can we come in and sit down?” Ben nods and waits a second before stepping out of their way, like his feet forgot how to move.

May shows them into the kitchen and listens to Peter chattering on to the officers about how he saw some police officers at Career Day at school and how he someday hopes to be a hero like them one day.

They seat themselves and wait a moment before saying anything. “We have some very bad news for you two today,” one of the officers says. Ben squeezes May’s hand and they both already know what’s going on.

“Peter?” May’s voice grabs Peter’s attention from the officers. “Would you mind going into the living room for me? The movie’s still playing and I don’t want you to miss it.”

“But--”

“Peter, _please_.”

“Fine,” he sighs and stumbles back over to the living room.

They wait for the officers to continue, but they already know.

“Richard and Mary were involved in a car crash this evening and were killed.”

Killed.

_Killed._

The word rattles around in their heads and bounces between their skulls until their brains are mush.

“No.” Ben stands up. “No, that’s not right.” He paces around the room. “You must be mistaken. There’s gotta be some kind of mistake here, there’s gotta be, they’re not—“ his breath hitches and May takes him in her arms, lowering him to the ground before his knees buckle.

She hears the police officers talking in the background, something about grief counseling referrals and funeral resources. But the last thing that they say is what breaks through to Ben and May.

“Would you like our assistance in telling their kid?”

Peter.

_Peter._

Peter doesn’t know.

_Peter doesn’t know._

How do you tell a six-year-old that his parents are never coming home?

She feels Ben nod. 

In truth, she doesn’t remember much after that.

Logically, she knows that time passes and life goes on and the earth keeps spinning. But does it really?

She’s able to piece together some of the shards from when hers and Ben’s life has shattered.

A social worker must have come to ensure that Peter would be safe in their home, because Peter’s still there and they wouldn’t have had it any other way. Funeral preparations must have been made, because they just got home from the funeral.

After the funeral, Peter falls asleep on the way home, eyes puffy and red from his tears. Ben carries him from the car up to the apartment and sets him down on the couch. May sits next to Peter and Ben follows suit. They fall asleep like that, the weight of grief heavy on their chests and limbs and souls.

\- - -

SEPTEMBER 12th, 2015

May changes out of her dirty work scrubs and showers. Her and Ben and Peter are going to see the newest _Fantastic 4_ movie that came out the month before. They planned for her to meet them in the corner store to pick out snacks and then walk to the theater together. Peter just got over a bad flu that he must have picked up at school and he was feeling really good. Maybe it was just normal compared to his condition a week ago, but he almost seemed… better than he had been before?

It’s a perfect Queens September day. Sun shining through the clouds, a brief respite from the frequent thunderstorms of the season.

The walk to the corner store is only about a block and it goes quickly. It’s freeing to finally let her hair down after having it up her entire shift.

She walks into the store, icy AC blowing her hair behind her shoulders. But then It happens.

A glint of sunshine off of a gun being pulled from a waistband. The click as it’s cocked and trained on the pale-faced cashier.

The shouting from the man with the gun.

The horrified silence that consumes everyone else when they realize what’s happening, shocked movements bringing everyone to their knees.

The clinking noise of the key scraping against the lock as the cashier struggles to open the cash drawer with shaky fingers.

The gunman’s loud threats against the cashier.

And then movement.

A man stands up, all dark hair and scruffy beard and flannel and _oh my gosh that’s Ben_.

Comforting words and placating promises of _‘Everything will be alright buddy. Just put the gun down, okay?’_

And then the shot.

Ben, stumbling backward, hand clutching his stomach.

Peter, racing in to tackle and disarm the gunman.

Someone’s screaming. Is it her?

She sprints towards Ben, yelling at the other employees to call 911.

When she finally gets to him, his hands scramble for a hold on her clothes, her shoulders, her face. She helps lower him to the ground and rips off her jacket before leaning all of her weight on his wound. His face twists into a tight grimace and he grunts.

“I’m sorry babe, I’m sorry, I just have to--” May hyperventilates, pressing harder. “Have to keep… the pressure--”

“May,” Ben whispers. There’s blood on his lips and on his hands and puddled on the floor and it’s soaking through the knees of her jeans. He raises a hand to cup her cheek. “Sweet May.”

Peter takes over pressing on the wound and May moves to cradle Ben’s head in her lap. “Benjamin Parker,” she says through gritted teeth. “You are going to be fine. Everything’s gonna be okay.

He looks up at her and there are tears in his eyes. “You’re right,” he pants, through gritted teeth. “Everything’s gonna be okay, May. You will be okay.”

“Ben,” he winces as Peter presses harder. “You can’t leave me. You’re not going to. You’re not allowed.”

“May, _listen_ ," he pleads with a shaking breath. A teardrop falls from the tip of her nose onto his forehead and she wipes it away. “I love you. More than anything.”

“I love you too.” The tears fall harder now and she doesn’t even bother with wiping them away anymore.

“Could you… sing to me?”

“No, Ben, you have to stay alert, okay? You have to stay awake.” Her voice cracks and a tear runs down his face now, too.

“Please?” May sighs and it’s closer to a sob.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_.” Ben closes his eyes and May takes a shuddering breath in. “ _You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you--_ ” the hand holding hers goes slack. “Ben?” Her voice is shrill and laced with panic and adrenaline and sheer _fear_ because her husband her _husband_ is _dying_ and she can’t stop it. “Wake up! Ben _please_ ,” she starts frantic chest compressions and continues until her arms shake and she can’t pull a full breath of air into her lungs.

A few moments later, the paramedics arrive and Peter pulls May off of Ben to make room for the paramedics. The paramedics cut through his shirt and place the sticky pads on his chest.

(A shame, really. It was a Mouse Rat shirt that May had bought him for his birthday one year. It was his favorite.)

They shock him two times without success and Peter has to hold May back when they unstick the pads from his chest.

“There’s nothing more we can do,” they say. May recognizes some of them from the hospital, some of them that she had just seen a few hours earlier.

But everything’s different now and she can only watch as they cover him with a white sheet. She’s shaking and Peter’s shaking too and they just sit there as everything moves all around them acting like life didn’t just _stop_ for three people in that instant.

May doesn’t remember coming home that night. Doesn’t remember much of anything except for the lack of a Ben by her side.

Peter leads her into the apartment and into the bathroom so she can shower and scrub the blood from her skin. Scrub _Ben’s_ blood from her skin.

The water runs red down the drain and she scrubs every inch of herself until her skin is pink from irritation instead of blood.

When she turns the water off, she gets dressed and numbly makes her way to bed, turning a blind eye to the memories that fill every square inch of the apartment. Memories fun times and beautiful people who's hearts no longer beat. Memories of ghosts long gone.

(Some gone longer than others.)

When she gets to bed, there’s already someone there.

No, it couldn’t be.

Could this entire evening just have been a morbid dream, an awful scene from only the darkest episodes of her nightmares?

But when she rips the covers off, it’s just Peter, curled in on himself, wearing one of Ben’s t-shirts. May crawls into bed and tucks him under her arm. She says something about it just being the two of them now, or maybe she doesn’t because Peter doesn’t really respond, just cries harder.

\- - -

It goes like this:

May Reilly is born a beautiful happy baby with two loving parents who adore her.

But when she’s a sophomore in college, her mom gets her diagnosis.

Two months after her mother passes, her father gets his diagnosis. He fights hard for a couple months, but the illness eventually wins.

She grows up and meets a boy that loves her and she loves back. They get married and get pregnant, after a while. But the baby is taken from them too soon and doesn’t make it long enough to see the world outside of the womb.

Her and her husband cope with the grappling loss by spending time with her brother and sister-in-law and their squishy baby. But one cursed night that was supposed to be a celebration of forthcoming life and a new baby in the family turns into a night of intense mourning for hopeful lives that were not nearly lived enough.

And one unfortunate day being in the wrong place at the wrong time cost her husband his life too.

And yet, she continues on.

Grief, as she knows it, is a thunderstorm. One that rolls in on the prettiest of days and renders the sun incapable of shining, with heavy winds and rain and lightning and hail that tear down the buildings you’ve worked your whole life to create. It leaves you reeling like life cannot continue.

But it does continue.

Eventually the storm clouds dissipate and you are left to deal with the mess it made. Sometimes the mess feels too big and the damage too irreparable, but somehow you build yourself back up again. Somehow, life continues.

Somehow, life always continues.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry
> 
> How is everyone doing? How have your weeks been? Let me know in the comments or find me on tumblr @wh0doyouthinkyouareiam! I love you all!


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